For a society as obsessed with good manners as the British nation is, they can be pretty badly behaved. Newspapers (and I use this term loosely as I mainly mean the Daily Mail) are full of stories of half naked Brits, drunk on sunshine and Stella, causing havoc and making their country proud. I am fully aware that often the people in the headlines also have an annual pass to visit certain Mr Kyle, which thank goodness is still only a fraction of the nation. The rest of us just sit back and enjoy the show. So are the Finns any different? Let me tell you that the only time I have ever seen a respectable and professional looking middle-aged lady drink vodka straight from the bottle on the street at 10am was in Tallinn. And she was Finnish. So guess the answer is no.
Initially one of the best things about British culture to me was the art of small talk. I used to love hearing people chatting to each other in the street, asking random people how they are, calling strangers "love" or "darling". It felt nicely personal and taking part made me feel integrated. Then I realised that no one really gives a shit about what the other person answers. British small talk is literally all mouth and no trousers. Still, it makes for an harmonious public environment, even if it's all an act. Saying "please" and "excuse me" may be good manners but do manners maketh man?
Having spent some time around young adults or older teenagers - however you view 17-year-olds - recently, I noticed how self conscious the Finnish kids are about chatting to anyone. They skulk about, hiding under their long fringes and woolly beanies, avoiding eye contact with anyone. They walk in and out without saying hello or goodbye - I always make the point of embarrassing them into saying both. I must admit that my interaction with their British peers has been somewhat limited but the ones I have met, have been polite, friendly and open (with the normal self confidence issues that may come with a few spots and a broken voice). Even the rowdy George Green "after school club" meeting outside the newsagents on Manchester Road would say "excuse me" or "sorry" and make way if they saw someone struggling through the crowd. They may have been planning to rob you afterwards but at least they displayed good manners to your face, like true Brits.
So why this shyness of social interaction bordering on rudeness in Finnish teenagers? All I can think is "To the manor born". Traditionally kids should not be seen or heard in the Finnish society. Kids should be kept confined between the walls of school and home, not to be taken out even on special occasions in case the rest of the nation disapproves. A bit like Vulgaria in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang minus the Child Catcher. So is it any wonder that by the time they are 17, Finnish kids lack basic social skills and feel awkward in normal every day interaction with strangers. This is not to say that their parents have not taught them manners or that they are rude by nature, merely that they have not been set expectations in how to behave and what image to project whilst meeting people. Perhaps this reduces the amount of pressure kids these days are under. Or perhaps it puts them at a disadvantage in this international world we live in.
Those of you who know me well, know that I can be talkative, engaging and relatively social. Those of you who know me very well, know that I have to work at all of the above as it does not come to me naturally. I was once a Finnish teenager after all. But I refuse to oppress my child's spirit in order to conform to the expectations of the Vulgarian nation. I can't see anything but advantage in taking her to restaurants, theatre and giving her life experiences from an early age. She is already a rounded world citizen and is well versed in small talk. Some may say I am putting her up to be a prime target for bullying at school - she will be different to the other children and we all know how much children love picking on someone "different". Whilst I obviously don't wish this for my child, I hope that she will have the foresight and strength of character to carry on her British heritage and keep her upper lip stiff through it all. And always say "please".
There is no translation in Finnish for "small talk". The nearest I can think of is a phrase for "chit chat" which is an entirely different thing. But it is obvious that as we mature as people, we do lose some of the self consciousness we possess as teenagers and actually start feeling more comfortable chatting to other people, we may even go as far as enjoy it especially if talking about other people. I met an elderly gentleman the other day, a total stranger to me, and we ended up chatting for half an hour. Had I been in the UK, we would have spoken about the weather, government and immigration. Being in Finland, we spoke about the weather, Russians and how much debt his neighbour was in. Smaller circles, bigger gossip.
If British small talk is all mouth and no trousers, then Finnish chit chat is all envy and no compassion. Bad manners? Maybe, but when you have no small talk, all is left is gossip. All the way to the manor born.
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