Bare Naked Ladies

In my coffee post last week, I mentioned a friend who had visited his then-new-girlfriend's family in Finland and experienced the horror of being expected to get naked and sauna with her family. The story doesn't tell whether he dropped his kecks or politely refused but nevertheless, the situation itself must have been hugely embarrassing, uncomfortable and awkward. All the things sauna is not meant to be. 

The rest of the world often views Scandinavians as sex-crazed nudists who believe in free love and fish roe. They are probably right. Finland is not part of Scandinavia so the rest of the world is entitled to this opinion - although we are partial to fish roe as well. And anyone who goes to a "Swedish sauna" has been conned - there is no such thing. Sauna originates from Finland, very much like Father Christmas. So there.

From an early age, Finnish kids learn that sauna is good for you, cleanses the body and mind, and nudity just comes as part of the package. And sauna is one place where you don't worry about your bits being flabby, big or small, you go to sauna just to "be".

We have several different types of saunas - wood burning (unarguably the best), electric, smoke (where you literally sit in a room of warm smoke) and plenty of others. In apartment buildings you often find communal saunas. You can pay for private use, normally an hour once a week, or you can go to what's called "lenkkisauna" referring to a sauna after excercise. They have a shift for women and a separate one for men but you still get naked in front of strangers and it's no problem. Public pools have large open shower rooms and saunas - if you try to enter the sauna with your swim suit on, you get reported for a crime against nudity - it's viewed as unhygienic and is a huge no-no. At cottages, Finns swim naked in view of all their neighbours. Not always a pretty sight but expected and accepted as part of the pro-nudity clause we all sign at birth.

Through time, sauna has had many different functions. In the old days, women used to deliver their babies in saunas, it being hygienic and had plenty of warm water. When people died, the body would be washed in the sauna before leaving it there for mourners to visit. Health treatments, like cupping (google it, it's crazy) would be administered in a sauna. To this day, there are sauna competitions, sometimes with fatal consequences, which still doesn't stop people trying who can stand the highest temperatures. You can cook on a sauna stove - mostly sausages, although this is not advisable in communal saunas unless you want the neighbours' wrath upon you. If you've ever used a sauna after someone has cooked sausages on the stove, you know that you come out not smelling clean and fresh, but of stale sausage fat. Not nice.

Sauna has always been a holy place, where you are expected to be quiet and respectful. And naked of course. Sauna is no place horseplay although you can sing in a sauna, but no running around or throwing water. Mostly you just sit in silence and reflect. You have a "löyly" which means throwing water on the stones and sitting the hot steam out. You go out for a break, most likely sip a Gin Long Drink whilst cooling down. In you go again, repeat "löyly", repeat break and Gin Long Drink. In the summer time, you swim in a lake if you can. Naked.  In the winter, you roll around in the snow if you can. Again naked. You may go back for a third "löyly", beat yourself with a "saunavasta" which is branches of birch tied together. Sounds crazy but smells divine and is meant to beat any illnesses out of you. A word of warning for your first time though, don't sit next to someone beating themselves with a "vasta", the air stream is scalding and you will move pretty quickly once it hits your skin.

After you've had enough "löyly" (this could be anything up to 10 times or even more for Finns - I am out of practice so normally settle for two) you put on something cosy and depending on the season either sit by a fire with your Gin Long Drink or on a terrace watching the sunset. Obviously with Gin Long Drink in hand. The peace and tiredness you feel after a good sauna session is something different. It's a physical tiredness which guarantees a great night's sleep, although the Gin Long Drink might give a helping hand with that too.

I believe every Finn grows up with the ambition of owning their own sauna. I haven't got there yet but in the words of the real Barenaked Ladies: "If I had a million dollars, I'd buy me a... sauna" And Dijon ketchup.